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Finding balance without the guilt

Today started out with such great promise. The Friday before a long weekend always has an exciting vibe. Usually it’s because you know you’ll be getting more time to sleep, or spend with family, or read, or just be outside while the last days of nice weather are with us. I had all of those feelings when I woke up this morning, but they quickly faded when I was driving in to work and got a call from my husband.

It was the kind of call every working mom hates to get, especially first thing in the morning because it sets the tone for the rest of the day. My youngest son, who is in the first months of kindergarten, has decided he hates school. Great. It makes every morning that he goes a stressful, anxiety-ridden event. I spend the time before I walk him to the bus reminding him of how great school is and of all the things you get to do when you’re a “big” kid in kindergarten. It has worked every morning and he gets on the bus with his big brother and there are no tears.

This morning I left home earlier than normal, which meant that I didn’t get to walk my son to the bus. My husband called me as he was driving our son to school because he had become hysterical at the bus stop. My husband was mad, my son was in tears and I felt sick to my stomach for not having been there to make it all okay. I’m used to the guilt that comes from being a mom who works outside the home, but these emotional mornings still get to me. I’ve been through them with my other two sons, who both cried every day of kindergarten (even though I walked them to and from school each day).

Just like so many women I talk to, I struggle all the time to find that balance in my life. How can I give my all to my family and to a career that I love? Rationally I know my youngest son will be fine. He’ll end up having a great day, and this morning’s theatrics will be forgotten by the time he gets off the bus this afternoon. Because I’ve always worked since having my kids, we refer to weekends as “family time”. That’s when we get to focus solely on being together. I don’t sweat it if we spend all day Sunday sprawled on the couch watching Indiana Jones movies on a rainy day, and I try not to feel guilty if I don’t make our beds or do a single load of laundry. Having these “family time” weekends makes up for the lost walks to the bus on some days of the week when I just can’t be there. But I am always looking for more ways to make our lives easier and to make that time together all about quality.

How do you balance work and family? Do you have any mom-guilt stories and how did you deal with it? What are your favourite ways to spend time together on the weekends?

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Posted by Jennifer Walker on October 10, 2008, 9:11 am